Homebody: Intuitive Regulation, Not Weakness

Growth doesn't always have to happen in the hustle and bustle of the outside world; sometimes the most growth happens in the stillness of our own thoughts.

How do you usually spend your "recharge" time? Are you someone who needs complete silence, or do you have a specific creative hobby that helps you put that energy back into your soul?

The outside world can feel like a constant assault on your senses; our environment is an extension of our nervous system. So, if you love staying at home, it's not bad, and it's not being shy or unsocial, but it's your Intuitive Regulation, not a social deficit.

The "On Guard" Reality: When we are in public, our nervous system is constantly processing "micro-threats" such as loud noises, reading strangers' body language or managing social expectations. This is the Sympathetic Nervous System (fight or flight) at a low, humming baseline. I've always been a homebody - playing in my room as a small child, reading books to myself in silence and growing up happy listening to records and drawing or writing.

For those who grew up in chaos or "survival mode," a quiet home isn't just a building, it's a Ventral Vagal space. It’s the first time the body realizes it doesn’t have to scan the room for danger. There are three states of the nervous system. "Vagal" refers to the vagus nerve, the longest nerve in our body, that has many branches and goes from the brain to the pelvic area. The vagus nerve regulates breathing, digestion and your immune system. For example, when you have that "gut" feeling, that's the vagus nerve communicating from your brain to your body and back.

So, our goal is to learn to have more control over our senses and nervous system by determining which state you want to end up in. Ventral Vagal state, Sympathetic state or Dorsal Vagal state. Sounds confusing, but it's really not.

State#1 Ventral Vagal state, the Preferred State of Relaxation:

The Ventral is the front side of your body, where you feel connected to people, your heart is open, you feel calm, joyful and energized. You have better digestion while in this state, better immune response and better circulation. It goes from Mental to physical in the blink of an eye. You feel settled and grounded and true relaxation. This is the Ventral Vagal state.

State#2 Sympathetic state, fight or flight:

This response isn't a bad thing, there's a time and place for it, to protect you from danger, for example. You just don't want to stay in this state for very long. PTSD and Chronic Stress keep you in this state of anxiety for long periods of time. Your blood pressure and heart rate increases. Anxiousness, irritability and anger are a part of this state.

State#3 Dorsal Vagal state, the shutdown response:

Dorsal means backside, so it's like turning your back, curling up in a fetal position and being numb to reality. You may feel depressed, shut off, frozen. Physiologically, your body begins conserving energy and storing fat. Being stuck in the Dorsal Vagal state is chronic hopelessness, depression. Not good to be in this state for very long. A shut-off, so to speak, is okay if you need to reshift your focus and think, but not for long.

Once you can identify these three states, the more you can control them, and you have to go through steps to change from one to the other. For example, if you're in State#3 and desire to reach State#1, you are going from shutdown to relaxation, and with practice you can move into State#1 more quickly.

To work your way through feeling trapped to being relaxed, something like yoga or exercise will get you moving through your nervous sytem and feel grounded. Our nervous systems co-regulate; they take cues from people around us to decide how anxious or calm to be. From birth, we're held, listen to our mother's voice, are being fed and nurtured and feel safe. If we apply this to our adult life, your posture, your voice and movement help you regulate your nervous system to safety.

I find it very interesting to know the psychological and physiological connection, and when understood in this simple way, we can take anger and anxiety and turn it into calmness and relaxation. Who knew??? I didn't!

A Cozy & Calming Drink to Soothe You

(Recipe from calmeats.com)

photo by calmeats.com

Masala Chai Hot Chocolate

Yield: 1

Ingredients

1.5 cups almond milk or oat milk

1/4 tsp ground ginger

1/4 tsp grounder cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground cardamom

1/8 tsp ground cloves

pinch ground nutmeg

2 teaspoons raw cacao

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

black tea bag

optional: maple syrup or honey to taste

optional: star anise

Instructions

1. Combine the spices, cacao, vanilla, and milk of choice in a small saucepan and bring to a simmer. Once the milk simmers, dip

the tea bag several times (or skip the tea).

2. If using, add star anise and let it infuse for 2 minutes. You can also transfer the star anise to your mug (just don't try and drink

it) and enjoy your masala chai hot chocolate.

3. I like to finish it with frothy milk.

Have you noticed some people are very uncomfortable being alone? That's the time to discover yourself-your hopes, your dreams, your preferences in life. It's a time to recharge instead of socialize.

To be an introvert does not mean you are shy because they are two different things. If you lose energy when you're around people (like I do), you are termed an introvert. Extroverts receive energy from being around others. A lot of seemingly social people are truly introverts, like myself. My preference is to be home, and I enjoy my alone time with me. When I'm with others (whether with 4 people or 40 people), I require a recharge of silence and aloneness to recharge my battery. This doesn't mean that you aren't enjoying yourself when you are being social, it just means it drains your ever-loving soul right out of you. You know who you are.

Being "energetically smart" is the ability to realize you need to recharge after an event, no matter how large or small. You don't need more socializing, whereas an extrovert can move right on to the next event and not skip a beat.

If you grew up in chaos or shared a home in survival mode, having to watch everything you said or did, your own home by yourself becomes your only safe spot that you control. This may be the first place you've been fullly autonomous. You can be safe and still be growing, but if it reaches a point that you are retreating, and it become unhealthy, reach out to others.